Wednesday, November 01, 2006


The story below was sent to me by a girlfriend /sister. It really reflects what I feel we as women need so much, especially while crossing the river to motherhood.

A young wife sat on a sofa on a hot humid day, drinking iced tea and visiting with her Mother. As they talked about life, about marriage, about the responsibilities of life and the obligations of adulthood, the mother clinked the ice cubes in her glass thoughtfully and turned a clear, sober glance upon her daughter.

"Don't forget your Sisters,"

she advised, swirling the tea leaves to the bottom of her glass. "They'll be more important as you get older. No matter how much you love your husband, no matter how much you love the children you may have, you are still going to need Sisters.

Remember to go places with them now and then; do things with them. "Remember that 'Sisters' means ALL the women...
your girlfriends, your daughters, and all your other women relatives too.

"You'll need other women. Women always do."

'What a funny piece of advice!' the young woman thought. 'Haven't I just gotten married? Haven't I just joined the couple-world? I'm now a married woman, for goodness sake! A grownup! Surely my husband and the family we may start will be all I need to make my life worthwhile!'

But she listened to her Mother. She kept contact with her Sisters and made more women friends each year. As the years tumbled by, one after another, she gradually came to understand that her Mom really knew what she was talking about. As time and nature work their changes and their mysteries upon a woman, Sisters are the mainstays of her life.

After many years of living in this world, here is what I've learned:

Time passes.
Life happens.
Distance separates.
Children grow up.
Jobs come and go.
Love waxes and wanes.
Men don't do what they're supposed to do.
Hearts break.
Parents die.
Colleagues forget favors.
Careers end.

BUT......... Sisters are there, no matter how much time and how many miles are between you. A girlfriend is never fartheraway than needing her can reach.

When you have to walk that lonesome valley and you have to walk it by yourself, the women in your life will be on the valley's rim, cheering you on, praying for you, pulling for you, intervening on your behalf, and waiting with open arms at the valley's end. Sometimes, they will even break the rules and walk beside you. Or come in and carry you out.

Girlfriends, daughters, granddaughters, daughters-in-law, sisters, sisters-in-law, Mothers, Grandmothers, aunts, nieces,
cousins, and extended fami ly, all bless our life! The world wouldn't be the same without women, and neither would I.

When we began this adventure called womanhood, we had no idea of the incredible joys or sorrows that lay ahead. Nor did we know how much we would need each other. Every day, we need each other still.

Pass this on to all the women who help make your life meaningful.

I just did.

Author Unknown.

Sunday, October 29, 2006

Who Knew?

While there is an abundance of information, support, and education available for those of us about to give birth for the first time, whether from grandmothers, mothers, sisters, friends, books, midwives, doulas, doctors, and the internet, just to name a few, there is very little to prepare us for the labor that begins the day we get home from the hospital. I am calling it 'The Second Labor'.

'The Second Labor' has no time line. It has no approximate end date, although I see it as somewhere between 2 and 15yr old.
'The Second Labor' doesn't really have a gestation period; no ramping up with time to get my head around what's ahead of me, that was fully used by the first labor.

While everybody was getting ready for the birth of my new baby, no one thought, or knew to tell me that immediately after and without much notice I would go into this second labor for an indefinite amount of time, give or take a year. No one told me that while in the midst of the biggest learning curve I might ever encounter, (becoming a mother), I would have to live in perpetual labor as I gave birth once again, only this time I was giving birth to myself.

There were no classes where I could learn to breathe deeply and push harder, all of which could shorten the pain as well as the labor. There were no how-to videos, e-books or pamphlets.
The question, 'who am I and what have I done?' became my mantra to which the answer always seemed to be; you are still YOU, and YOU are now a Mother.

What does that mean? A question I now had to answer for myself. I had left the shore called me, and officially set sail on a boat called postpartum , crossing a river called 'becoming a mother', on my way to a land called Motherhood. Did I now even have to row the boat, navigate, feed and entertain the crew, read the weather, and get some rest all by my self, and all at the same time?

For those you who have a husband or partner in this process, the journey is often but not always a whole lot easier, and if mindful enough, an awesome adventure of a journey, however, since they're often busy trying to make sure there was a boat, and that the boat stayed afloat, the ride we all often take to motherhood is for the most part a solo one that lies in the realm of the feminine. We have to do all the pushing if we are to birth ourselves into the mothers we are meant to be.

Where are the midwives to guide us through? Who will tell us to breathe deeply and convince us that we can do it? Who will boil the hot water to make tea and pass the towel to catch tears? Who will help us to cut the chord between who we once were and who we have become. Who will be there to catch us when we arrive in this new place?

'The Second Labor' is not to be taken alone.

Our friends, our sisters, our aunts, our mothers, and grandmothers are all midwives throughout 'The Second Labor'.

Invite them on the journey before the journey begins.

Smoothe sailing

Until then